For 2012, I chose the word "Confidence". I really had no confidence in anything. I have a small social circle. Often, I would let people treat me badly just because I wanted them to like me. It's a little sad, I know. I also wanted to do things in life but I would not even try because I thought I would fail or I would look stupid doing it. Often, in my mind, I have already failed before I even have attempted something! That's not really any way to be, is it? I still have a little of that, but I am doing better. I am trying to make better decisions. Let me review just how my 2012 year of Confidence went.
I did begin to make better choices. I spoke up to people when I felt they were treating me badly. That did not always go well and there were some arguments and tough spots. However, I stood up for myself and that was sorely needed. I also made better food choices and did more exercise. I began to walk outside even though I was afraid people would think I looked fat or stupid. I even started attending exercise classes in a local lady's home! I was so far out of my usual box! I even participated in my first 5k. I walked the Color Run in St Louis in August 2012! I even finished it!
My cousin, Terri and I on packet pick up day!
Me: Mid course, fat and colorful!
Crossing the finish line!
Even wearing that shirt and socks were "Confidence". I usually don't wear things in public that make me stand out, like those socks. I usually don't wear sleeveless shirts because of arm fat. That day, I figured that if someone had a problem with how I looked, they could just keep on moving! In late September, I took another leap of faith when I became a Close to My Heart consultant!
The year sort of went downhill from there, to be honest. Hubster and I went on vacation to the Outer Banks with his parents. We usually have a great time and we did, although I suspected I was pregnant. When we got home from vacation, it was confirmed but I suffered my 4th miscarriage the next week, which sent me on an emotional rollercoaster. I stopped walking. My exercise instructor moved out of town and I stopped exercising too. I just didn't have the motivation. I had a terrible time with my OBGYN who was usually great. I changed doctors and then saw my reproductive endocrinologist. Weight Loss surgery was recommended, but currently we're fighting with insurance. If they won't cover, it won't happen. They also want to do DNA testing to try to figure out what's going on with the miscarriages but the insurance won't cover that either. I have a gofundme page linked on the sidebar of the page if you want to read more about that or donate to the fund.
So, that brings me to this year. I'm still unsure what the word will be. I'm so uncertain right now, that I really have no idea where this year will take me or even what the theme of the year should be. At first, I thought maybe I'd choose a word like "heal" as in healing my heart and spirit but that doesn't feel quite right. Perhaps the word "progress" but that seems too vague. I'm still pondering my word of the year. My plan for the year is to continue to work on my Close to My Heart business, bring you guys fun stuff and giveaways, plus try to get this surgery and this DNA testing done.
I recommend that everyone choose a word of the year It's not a resolution, so it's not as if it's something you can fail. It's just a little one word reminder to keep you going. I also recommend scrapping your word, or maybe writing or printing on some paper to keep near your desk/computer. Did you choose a word? What is it?
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